Whew! That was a week I don’t want to repeat.

A week of sick children, and the heartache and worry that goes along with it.

Then, inevitably my partner and I succumbed. How does one parent when they can’t leave the bathroom? Furreals. We’re all just pushing along, in our healthy lives. How on earth can we manage with our own illness? Thankfully, we have family that is hyper local (perhaps a 10 minute walk) who are able to help us.

But many friends and clients and other parents in the community don’t have this luxury. They are pushing through, being pushed past their limits. It’s beyond lowering your standards, and allowing tv suppers, etc. It’s not being vertical for 24 hours. It’s being unable to change a diaper, nurse a child.

Sales pitch part: Find a postpartum or sibling doula!!!!! Guaranteed, given their availability, they will be able to provide some relief. Most won’t drive your children (due to insurance regulations) but are happy to explore outside and give you some much needed rest. Average hourly rates are $25, but many will offer a daily rate as well.

Sales pitch over.

Aside from missing my sweet littles, one of the worst parts about being sick was staying away from caffeine. I’m far from 5-coffees-a-day, but I do love my tea. It’s part of my morning (and nap time) routine. So along with an ill timed sickness, I was also going though a minor caffeine withdrawal.

And oh my heart. I had to practice some intense self-compassion. Acknowledging that this was hard. Soothing. And allowing that hardness to sit.

Today, I’m feeling a bit better. And you know what? Today, I had a cuppa. And it was wonderful. I am practicing mindful gratitude for this simple comfort.

Lots of love to you all in this period of sick and snow.

xoxo
Laura

This holiday season, we were graced with a lack of busyness.

My partner’s parents were out of country, visiting family, and so we had fewer social engagements, fewer commitments.

We spent the winter solstice, with our friends, who have a darling 10 month old. We spent New Years Eve with our neighbours and their children. We spent several, random evenings with some pals from high school, who have yet to have children.

There is a special magic in spending time with your friends AND your children. Sure, the conversation (read: language) is altered...or monitored. We try to protect our children from adult worries and woes. But sharing belly laughs, as you reminisce about youthful silliness; support for each other as we navigate big steps in our pathways through life; rejoicing in each other’s company with our children present is worth it.

Welcoming in our children into a part of our social lives allows them to see us as whole beings. In our family, our children are a huge priority. We commit time and a lot of our precious energy towards their health, mental and physical. We absolutely need breaks, and are lucky to have extended family within minutes, who are able (and more than willing) to provide care, during movie nights or spa weekends away.

However, whenever we get the chance, we like to host, and include our children in social events. We involve our littles in meal plans, as well as set up and tidy up. Our version of ‘shabby entertaining’ requires such little prep, that we are always open to inviting friends over for some quality time. We remind ourselves that our friends are here to see US, and our family; that we don’t need to scrub the decks in order to open up our home to visitors. Never has a friend commented on the state of my floor, as I would never even notice theirs.

Looking to liven up your social life, without adding stress? Here’s a tip from our version of easy entertaining.

One Saturday or Sunday, gather the fixins for meatballs (and some vegan, gluten free versions). Spend a morning making a few batches and stick them in the freezer in small baggies, minding to label carefully, which are meatless, of course.

Keep some pasta (add a gluten free version if possible) and canned pasta sauce on hand, as well as some garlic bread in the freezer.

Add a salad and a bottle of wine, and you’ve got yourself the makings of a fabulous shared meal. Top with special friends and tiny humans, and you’ve got MAGIC.

Looking to find other simple ways to rejoice in your family time?

Reach out and we can connect with some parent coaching sessions to help your family thrive.

xoxo,
Laura

So you’re having another baby.

You’ve likely already got most things you need for tiny human number two (or five). The crib has been handed down from sibling to sibling. Ditto for clothes and toys. You’ve stripped and stuffed your cloth diapers. Or stocked up on disposables when there were sales. Perhaps you’ve created this babe’s special nest already...a nursery with their own unique theme. Or you’ve prepped your room for safe cosleeping; ready for when your sweet bub is earthside.

But what about your other kiddos? They, too, are about to experience a life changing event. They are about to become a big sibling! As my entire focus, or mission is to support people (all people) as they become families, it is clear that sometimes that support might look like sibling support.

So what is a Sibling Doula? Well they are someone who helps prepare a tiny human for the arrival of their baby brother or sister. Then, when your baby is ready to be born, a sibling doula comes to be with your older children, and stays throughout the birth. This can be helpful, regardless of whether you are birthing at home or in hospital. The sibling doula can help your older children understand (at an age appropriate level) what is happening with their parents and baby, through use of books, crafts, or simply child-led discussion.

Sounds great, right?

Here are the top 5 reasons you should have a sibling doula for your next birth:

1. You’ve got your own stuff going on! Mama! You’re pregnant. You’re working hard, growing a human, WHILE CARING FOR OTHER HUMANS outside your body. It’s a lot, and you don’t need to wear ALL the hats. Let a sibling doula lighten that load.
2. You might not have local family. It can be hard to figure out childcare (in between contractions, no less). A sibling doula can come at any time of day or night, within a moment’s notice. With family living out of town, this can give a grace period until Nana or Papa can come.
3. Even if your family is local, they may not be available. Babes like to be born at night. Often immediately after everyone who is not pregnant has settled in, and nodded off. So let your sweet grandma sleep, and let a sibling doula care for your littles, until grandma can make it.
4. You’re in control. With a sibling doula supporting your family, you are worry free. She has met with you prior to understand your birth vision, and comfort level with what information you would like your older children to have. You don’t have to worry about what language is being used.
5. You can rely on her expertise. As a graduate of childhood studies, as well as a certified doula and parent educator, I am well-versed in what is developmentally appropriate behaviour from older siblings, expecting a baby brother or sister. I am also experienced on fostering a healthy, loving sibling relationship and have a variety of books and activities to help establish positive feelings surrounding the birth and new baby.

I would love to hear your thoughts and questions about my sibling doula offering.

To contact me, please click below.
xoxox
L

Hello again!

I am so excited to share some recent additions to Becoming Family Services’ lending library.

Did you know we HAVE a lending library? It is free to use for any new and existing clients. Keep the books that are useful to you, and return when you can.

For our local community members who aren’t current clients, you are more than welcome to check out a book for a deposit (which will be returned to you when the books are returned).

A lending library can be really handy so you aren’t spending a ton of money on books that have a limited lifespan (i.e. preparing for birth isn’t something you will need to review when your children are 10 years old). I’ve spent the money FOR YOU! So feel free to send me a message and we can set you up with your own personal birth and parenting library :)

Without further ado, the newest additions are:
Baby-led Weaning - Rapley & Murkett
The Doula Book - Dr. Klaus, Dr. Kennell
Gentle Birth Choices - Harper
Rediscovering Birth - Kitzinger
Mama Tried: Dispatches from the Seamy Underbelly of Modern Parenting - Flake
Attachment Parenting - Rader
The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year - Brott
Poo in the Zoo - Smallman
Where’s the Poop? - Markes

Welcome to my blog series focused on this tricky time of year.  It's a time of renewal, of change, of routines and calendars filling up. For some, it's a relief from summertime busy-ness. For others, it can be a time of dread.

I'd like to share some tips I have learned with you, both as a parent educator and as an elementary school teacher of 10 years.  In my first post, I addressed the single most important thing you can do as parents of a school-aged child. You can find that post here.

In this post, the second in my series, I would like to talk to you about rhythm and routine.  These two things are the drum that you, as parents are going to row your boat to.

From a neurological standpoint, your child may become disregulated with all the changes that September brings.  This may look like acting out, tantrums, shutting down and becoming quieter than usual, asking for extra closeness and comfort.  Brain studies have demonstrated that young people can not regulate themselves.  They need connection and comfort from their primary caregivers to make sense of changes.

One way that we can co-regulate is through rhythm and routine.  In the weeks leading up to the first day of school, try to establish what your school year rhythm and routine will look like.  What time will we need to get out of bed, have breakfast, be out the door? What will the rhythm of your day-to-day look like?  Make sure that you have built in lots of downtime.  New school-goers will be tired after a full day or play and learning.  Try to hold off on extracurriculars until October, to allow for some time to transition.  As there is no cookie cutter human, there is no set routine that I can provide, however, I'm happy to share a sample:

7:00am - wake up
7:30am - dressed and breakfast (Sitting down for breakfast together has been shown to promote healthy attachment and attunement between parent and child.)
8:00am - pack backpacks/lunches/ scramble to fill out forms
8:30am - out the door
3:30pm - pick up and snack (hungry people are often disregulated people!)
4:00pm - connection time (games, household activities, deconstruct your days...something to bring you back together)
5:00pm - dinner
6:00pm - homework/piano lessons, etc.
7:00pm - bath and bedtime

I know that day-to-day things change and nothing can be set in stone.  But creating a predictable, COMFORTING routine will help establish connection, which is the only way children can regulate. When children know where the next activity is taking place, and who is going to be present at dinner, they can rest in that rhythm. 

If you would like help in establishing a rhythm in your household, or want to hear more about how you can support your child get ready for school, please   Contact me here.

Don't forget about the info night I'm holding at The Hive London on August 23rd.  Tickets can be purchased at  www.eventbrite.com/e/september-parenting-tickets-36695881369.

xo,
L

Welcome to my blog series focused on this tricky time of year. It's a time of renewal, of change, of routines and calendars filling up. For some, it's a relief from summertime busy-ness. For others, it can be a time of dread.

I'd like to share some tips I have learned with you, both as a parent educator and as an elementary school teacher of 10 years. In this first post, I will address the single most important thing you can do as parents of a school-aged child. It's not what backpack or school supplies to buy, or how to set up playdates with new school friends...it's playing matchmaker. Let me explain.

Studies have indicated that a major predictor of academic success (and reported rates of students ENJOYING school) is whether the student likes their teacher and vice versa. But we don't need a study to tell us this; it's something every parent inherently knows. The first question we ask our school-aged children is, “Do you like your teacher? Is s/he nice?” We KNOW how important this is, yet often do little to facilitate this budding relationship.

So, how do we play matchmaker with a teacher and our child?

Listen closely to your child and find SOMETHING that they like about their teacher and make an effort to mention it to said teacher, “Hi Mr. Ramone! Isabelle was just telling me about the last book you read aloud and how silly all the characters voices were. She really enjoys listening to you read.” This has planted a seed in the teacher’s mind that they are likeable, and doing a great job at something in their profession. This is spontaneous recognition and goes a looooooooong to workplace satisfaction. And nobody wants a cranky teacher.

Next, repeat this with your child, as often as you can. “Isabelle! Do you know that Mr. Ramone just called me to tell me how helpful you were during recess??? He said he couldn’t have gotten craft time organized without you!” Your child will be thrilled to hear that they were noticed, and that their actions made an impact. Students can often feel forgotten about in a busy classroom. It sometimes falls to parents to recognize how awesome their child is, in AND out of the classroom.

Having laid this groundwork, you have planted the seeds for a respectful and balanced relationship between teacher and student. Both will want to go out of their way to help one another, and both will have more patience during rougher waters.

Looking for more info on this? Check out Dr. Gordon Neufeld. He has a ton of resources about maintaining attachment during the school years. If you want more support, please contact me for some parent coaching assistance.

Watch out for my next post in this series.

xoxo
L

Whether there is a specific experience (for example, your child attends a funeral, a pet passes away, etc.) or just a general part of development, tiny humans often become curious about death around age 5. And they are often more open to discussing it than you are, we are all quite aware and fearful of our own mortality. I find, little voices are most curious about these huge topics right as you kiss them goodnight.

So I decided to find some books that broach this topic, so we could read them together, when these questions arise. One book I'd like to share with you all is “Cry Heart, But Never Break” by Glenn Ringtved. It is a beautifully written and illustrated ‘children's book’ that I believe most adults will get a lot out of. The premise of it is best described by Brain Pickings.

“This warmly wistful story begins outside the “small snug house” where four children live with their beloved grandmother. Not wanting to scare the young ones, Death, who has come for the old lady, has left his scythe by the door. Immediately, in this small and enormously thoughtful gesture, we are met with Death’s unexpected tenderness.

Inside, he sits down at the kitchen table, where only the youngest of the kids, little Leah, dares look straight at him.

What makes the book particularly touching, thanks to Pardi’s immensely expressive illustration, is just how crestfallen — broken, even — Death himself looks the entire time he is executing his mission, choked up with some indiscernible fusion of resignation and recompense.”

Watch below to view a reading of an excerpt from “Cry Heart, But Never Break”.

Beyond reading a book together, here are some tips for discussing death with children.

• Answer the question they asked. If they ask, “What do you look like when you're dead?” Don't launch into your beliefs about Heaven, or the science of brain activity. My answer would be “Completely still, everything in a body stops moving when it dies.”
  
• Reflect the facts. In all things parenting, strive to drop the story and reflect the facts that are age-appropriate or better yet, EXPERIENCE-appropriate for your child. This is a tricky one for many parents to navigate, as there are many beliefs and stories about the afterlife. At this age, children do well with facts. A good example is when a child asks “Where do we go when we die?” My answer would sound like “Our bodies are buried”. If they ask about souls, etc. I would then share a personal belief and say “I BELIEVE our souls fly out to space.” *Interested in learning about how experience matters in the understanding of death, check out “The Private Worlds of Dying Children” here. Content Warning, as it focuses on children in palliative care.
• Make space for your child and their understanding. It is important not to steamroll over your child, to rush her/his understanding, to gloss over things with which you are uncomfortable. It is in this discomfort that we and our children grow.
  

If you are looking for support in connecting with your children, please reach out to a parent educator, such as myself, or if you need extra assistance processing during a difficult time; a counsellor, or therapist.

Lots of love,

L

Pregnancy

• You: Having a Baby - Dr Roizen and Dr Oz
• Pregnant Feelings - Baldwin and Palmarini
• Yoga for Pregnancy - Freedman and Hall
  
• Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful - Gurmukh

• Prenatal Yoga DVD - Gaiam
  

Birth

• The Birth Partner - Simkin
• The Doula Advantage - Gurevich
• Preparing for Birth with Yoga - Balaskas
• The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth - Goer
• Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth - Gaskin
• Birth Matters - Gaskin
• Childbirth Without Fear - Dr Grantly
• Rediscovering Birth - Kitzinger
  
• Gentle Birth Choices - Harper
  
• The Doula Book - Klaus, Kennell & Klaus
  

Parenting - General

• The Baby Owner’s Manual - Dr’s L and J Borgenicht
• The Happiest Baby on the Block - Dr Karp
• The Baby Signing Bible - Berg
• Raising a Secure Child - Hoffman, Cooper, Powell
• Raising Human Beings - Dr Greene
• How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk - Faber and Mazlish
• The Whole Brain Child - Dr Siegel and Dr Bryson
• Hold On to Your Kids - Dr Neufeld and Dr Maté
• Attached at the Heart - Nicholson and Parker
• The Informed Parent - Haelle and Dr Willingham
• Nonviolent Communication - Rosenberg
• The Baby Book - Sears and Sears
• The Conscious Parent - Dr Shefali
• Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves - Aldort
• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - La Leche League International
• No Bad Kids - Lansbury
• Elevating Child Care - Lansbury
• From Diapers to Dating: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children - Haffner
• The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander - Coloroso
• Attachment Parenting - Rader
  
• The New Father - Brott
  
• ​Mama Tried - Flake
  

Parenting - Sleep

• The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep - Dr Karp
  
• The No Cry Sleep Solution - Pantley
  
• Sweet Sleep - La Leche League International
  

Parenting - Loss

• In the Shade of Ava's Tree - Krawecki

Parenting - Feeding

• Dr Jack Newman’s Guide to Breastfeeding - Dr Newman and Pittman
• Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding - Gaskin
• ​Baby-led Weaning - Rapley & Murkett
  

Parenting - Partnership and Self-Strength

• MotherStyles - Penley
  
• Rising Strong - Dr Brown
  
• I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) - Dr Brown
  
• Breaking the Good Mom Myth - Schafer
  
• Passionate Marriage - Dr Schnarch
  
• Unconditional Parenting - Kohn
  
• Multiple intelligences - Gardner
  
• The Woman Who Gave Birth to Her Mother - Chernin
  

Parenting - Potty Training

• Oh Crap! Potty Training - Glowacki
• Poo in the Zoo - Smallman & Grey
• Where's the Poo? - Markes & Kartung

All these resources are available for FREE to any of my clients, or community members. If you are interested in borrowing something, please contact me here.